| I have a new lj...due to unwanted comments and ppl viewing what i don't want i have made a new lj which is friends only etc...it is below...
Stateofecstasy
add me ...x.....
mwuah
leave a comment on there to be added..
....peace and love..x... | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment   |
| This song means so much to me...
When I hold you baby..... Feel your heart beat close to me...wanna stay in your arms forever...only love can set you free... When I wake each morning... When the storm beats down on me... and I know we belong together... only love can set you free....
set you freeeeeeeee....
when we touch each other.... in the state ecstasy...... want this night to last forever... only love can set you free....
set you free............
oh oh yea....set you free.................
........................................
When I hold you baby..... Feel your heart beat close to me.... wanna stay in your arms forever.....only love can set you free!!!!
oh oh yea! set you free.....
SET YOU FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
SET YOU FREE!!!!!
x
Basically I love Tom and am upset we don't see each other much, last night i had a panic attack and tried to self harm again, it was the argument me and my mum had that kicked it off and tom bringing up about college and how we won'tsee each other often... I have to be strong and think positivly or i will go down that route again. He's coming to see me sunday.... and that is gud the onyl reason tom sed he cldnt come (other tom) was cuz hes worried his mum wil lfind out i will talk him round tho. haha... easy... then i will be with him...
its now the total of £182 as i dnt know if ill do coke....
so TOTAL NEEDED £182
DONATED £7
AMOUNT LEFT TO GET £175
will i do iot? i get paid today... xxx....peace and love..x... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I feel so shit... I love Tom...I miss him... and we cant see each other for 2 weeks...why.. cuz of other people. I might cry... Me and my mum argued for an ahour...i am losing my job.... i am leaving mates...my good friend Daisy is moving to bristol..then to america forever...i feel so shit i love her so much (as a mate) and she is the one i have fun with and shes gone...i probs wont see my friends at beale park again...jess, nicky, anna, vicky, tamsyn, sylv, cherie, jon, paddy, cafe staff, ben, namo, mel, sam etc.... i miss them and aggie is gone nok00oo0o0 she lost her job too... why.... MY friend r being cunts...i am tired...on a budget to reading fest.... i need £205 ....deadline 27thaugust...
£7 donated
£198 needed
TOTAL GAIN : £205
will i do it .. i hope... ifeel suicidal...i want to die....i want tom with me...hes the only one ive got the only thing that makes me happy....why cant i see him... i want to od....die and rest..x... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I did e last night 2 and a half pills wo0oo0o0 i did at at tuc too amazing it was sucha gr8 party at guses we listened to my trance music and i rang tom and wow told him i love him WHICH I DO VERY MUCHLY!!! when we touch each other in the state of ecstasy!! (8) *Dances* hehe it was fun its like iwas out my body and rushing of energy only love can set you free....
it was fun then i went to fez and partied on...so fun and i was dancing all nite and got v drunk and t his guy on the bus like stripped and iwas like ERRR...
in the day i was with tom and naomi and got vvvv drunk and vv stoned at kates house...to mwas wrecked i enjoyed being with him and glad he came to see me. he makes me feel great....peace and love..x... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | I went to Tom's mates party last night with Naomi, Tanith and Lucy. (and Tom obviously) :P We bunked the trains al the way there I AM PROUD OF MINE AND TANITHS PLAN!!! lol me n lucy acciedently let the cats loose and tried to get them and one ran away, i wrecked neighbours houses and rolled pots down hills. broke the shed door.... tom broke a table and the fence, i pole danced on a pole and it broke. Me and lucy got the cheese out ate allot of it, bounced it and threw it at people lol THE FAMILY PACK OF CHEESE.. Stole icecream...wrecked pots outside (lucy) Tanith ate salmon and used the fone allot! tanith poured the juice on the floor and it STANK!!!! lol and juice on the floor which luked like piss... lol and emma (the girls party) sed "the worst thing ever is that someone stubbed their fag out on my poster of elijah wood's head" that was me and naomi!! OH THE DAMAGE lol I was soooo drunk and it was sooo funny... me n tom had fun ;) in the shed n bed :D it rhymes and this dude was going "help me nowwww!!" and crawled in whilst we were like naked and we dive under the covers "errr!!!" lol.... I had the hugest hangover and terroised tom with harry potter... Tanith n lucy disappeared :o at 1:30 am oddity... i was well worried about them. I kept phoning them. :( I got fined for not payign rite away on the train. Went to tom's modelling shoot the next day, he was loving the fame lol.... the photographers hair was WIERD and i cld imagine bars of gold and guns being hid in THAT HAIR sooo much hair spray....or just a wig.... me and Naomi made the flashy ball into jordans tit (u had to be there) and went a lil insane.... slim shady crew :o.... ne way tom didnt come out today to my house and to club...he had problems (not stating it on the net for ALL TO SEE))!!!!! i mis him alredi and love his texts... (i got fined again o nthe train) sooo pooor!!!....he makes me feel so happy.... i hope he is okie. Love him anyway not stopping me from going to TUC WOOOOO!! YEY....more fun....peace and love..x... | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| Today... I am going to sussex to a party after work w0o0op the fun... i need fags... i need a reality check..... i need machinary...
When I get to work i wont have any i will go insane... I NEED THEM NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! crap... ¬_¬ i actually mite die... oh wait i have one...tanith and lucy r going on the trai nwith me we have a plan hehe...work....tom is goign to tuc with me tomoz....peace and love..x... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | hm.. | | Time: | 08:10 pm |
|
| -- UNIQUE --
1. Nervous Habits? tapping, smoking.
2. Are you double jointed? no!!! :D
3. Can you roll your tongue? yes surree bob
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? yes *raises an eyebrow*
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? I can blow him :D
6. Can you cross your eyes? yus blurrry
7. Tattoos? transfer but am getting one soon on my bak of wumpscut symbol on wreath of barbs album...
8. Piercings and where? 6... ears nose.
9. Do you make your bed daily? my mum can do that lol
-- CLOTHES --
10. Which shoe goes on first? right
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? lucy the other day n kate..
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your purse/wallet? bout £100 depends how much i get paid and how fast i spend it....
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? my nose stud :P
14. Favorite piece of clothing? my marios velvet top altho i never wear it, it is special to me...reminds me of memories forgot..
-- FOOD --
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl.
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? eewww SPAM...no.
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? MINTYYYYYY FRESH BREATH
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? hw shld i know..
19. What's your favourite beverage? get me a drink make it a bloody mary and don't forget to spike it ;)
20. What's your favourite restaurant? Off liscence
21. Do you cook? okay who wants toast ???
-- GROOMING --
22. How often do you brush your teeth? every day!
23. Hair drying method? towel or blow ;)
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? duh its black now...
-- MANNERS --
25. Do you swear? I WILL HAVE NO FUCKING SWEARING ON THIS LIVEJOURNAL!
26. Do you ever spit? haha not last time ;)
-- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE --
27. Animal? Lucy!
28. Food? Tanith.
29. Month? july!
30. Day? Its another manic monday...wish it were sunday... i prefer monday...i dnt work.
31. Cartoon? happy tree friends or FAIRLY ODD PARENTS!
32. Shoe Brand? Dcs...i love em
33. Subject in school? ART WOW...
34. Color? Uv Green.
35. Sport? Badminton wo00o0o
36. TV show? Will n Grace and big bro..
37. Thing to do in the spring? wear spandex
38. Thing to do in the summer? sit under shade and fuck.
39. Thing to do in the fall? THE SKY IS FALLING NOOOOO?!?!??
40. Thing to do in the winter? skin animals and use them for a coat...okay call the rspca lucy and tanith geez!..zz.....
-- IN AND AROUND --
41. The CD player? Wumpscut
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? Kate and lucy!
43. Ever taken a cab? Yes with Josh n laura and everyone actually lol
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? yes i wanna luk good...
45. What color is your bedroom? red and black.
46. Do you use an alarm clock? yep or i will neva wake.
47. Window seat or aisle? window
-- LA LA LAND --
48. What's your sleeping position? 69... OH I READ IT WRONG LOL errrr on my front..
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? yea for comfurt..
50. Do you snore? no nut my bf does UGH TOM lol
51. Do you sleepwalk? yes sometimes i have...
52. Do you talk in your sleep? ^^ yes tom has yet to experience this...
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no since i discovered the toy chip was actually chip that died in the hutch...
54. How about with the light on? wem lil'..
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? tv i get carried away with long movies and soaps...
-- WHICH IS BETTER --
56. Coke or Pepsi? pepsi
57. Oranges or apples? oranges
58. One pillow or two? two
59. Deaf or blind? deaf
60. Pools or hot tubs? hot tubs
61. Tall or short? tall
62. TV or radio? radio
63. Beach or pool? Pool i hate sand but i dont like swimming either so bleuh..
64. Tic-Tacs or Certs? WHAT IS A CERT...tic-tacs..
65. Snooze button or jump out of bed? snooze..
66. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset
67. Hamburger or cheeseburger? this is rikki cheese u r asking..
68. Morning or night? Night
69. Sports or news? News
70. Indoors or outdoors? anywhere the clubs take me...
71. Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? eve THE SUSPENSE WOW last time iwas paraletic...
72. Cake or ice cream? ICECREAM!!
73. Spearmint or peppermint? peppermint
74. Bath or shower? shower
75. Book or movie? movie
76. Green or red apples? green
77. Rain or snow? snow
78. Nike or Adidas? adidas...sounds more deadly..
-- WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU --
79. Took a shower? last night
80. Cried? 1 hr ago lol... pathetic i know..
81. Talked on the phone? today to tom and emily..
82. Read a book? does the tv guide count?
83. Punched someone? ermmm last week lol didnt mean to hurt tho..
AT FUCKING LAST THAT TOOK AGES....never..AGAIN MWuah all to my fans xxx | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I just listening to blind guardian, time warp, austin powers, final countdown...all remind me... OF LUCY AND TANITH AND THE BEST SUMMER EVER...last years forbury... read my entries bak then and how i met them I LOVE THEM... it was the best summer ever and it makes me cry how we dont ever do much together as we used to...but next summer forbury is bak and so will we....... we forgot about these songs...these memories...songs are full of joy... i love them. I miss the closeness of us...we were so close bak then it was magickal. i remember wen we met rob and ran away from him in tescos lol and we ran so fast...but he was walking behind us...gawd sake lol...the time lucy only had ear piercings.... the time we went in marios.... my birthday songs o nthe guitar at lcuys house...being sick i nforbury with lcuy and tanith stroking my head..patrik lol MERLIN LMAO!!! lol the pretsels from poundland!!! all the 99 p store HYPER JUICE!! THE OLD MAN!! LMAO!!!! pigeons..the band stand band and 007!!! tanith me and lucy in our cords... i miss us al lwearing them... damn... my first ear piercing MMMM!!!! lol!.... lucy n tanit hwil lget it.... twigs bingo... lol kit in the river....cassi and dan iwere lovely then!!!!! so funny! everyone i nforbs was so close and now it's gone.... i miss taniths lil sleep overs "who farted?" LUCY!!! lol WHOSE PICKING MY NOSE?!?!?!! Taniths veil and how i went under it with her lil crown aww bless walkign dow nthe road with chris and tanith it was so kewl.... the abbey getting shouted at by townies to me n lucy "R U HOT" no... sayings "its the way they burried me..." sigh.... i miss awww... DRUNKENESS.... lol me climbing up the wall THE CAMERA DEAN BOO ANNABEL I MISS U ALL! ...aww....lucy with brown hair.... my first dying of my hair black.... shocking in lucys bathroom... why has it gone... lol joe and nonny first time i met them lol the biscuit joke with alex.... i ruined it. HALLOWEEN!! MY EYEBROWS GREEN!!! lo lthe party so drunk, robs light.... alex is funny. lol we dressed up... matt my ex bf... aw.... sam...barbies parties were fun.... tanith and lucy...james cotter, mel everyone I MISS THEM I MISS THE DAYS WHY STEF AND ME PARALETIC GAWD I MISS PUKING UP THE BLOOD.... there is so much more...i cnt write it all...so fun...so sad....peace and love..x... rest in peace forbury... that summer will live on in my heart. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| 
![](http://pics.facewhore.com/fixw_140/Kirostar7122004114439AM.jpg")
These are the latest pictures of me the top two show off my new hair...very jrock....x | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | that's it i am out of the big mama house...n i guess i am happy hehe. I WALKED OUT OF THERE WITH A NEW LUK N PRIDE!!! hehe! wow i feel so happy me n my mum bitched about my nan for ages but not my grandad who is kewl beans. I'll miss thier lifts to work tho lol.... my cat luks a bit annoyed.. i missed him tho.. AWWW SMUDGE...smudgeroo... x... Thursday lucy and tanith cant come due to lack of monies...but I guess I can invite mel.. Which wld be kewl, tom n kate defo wont afford it as they r poor as guinea pigz... so mel will come hehe rad...then me and tom wil lgo to tuc togetha on friday and stay at mine or at someone else's...either wway... I am gonna go to his modelling shoot for support...or jsut so i cld get into the business myself lol either way... nah i wanna be there to see him be happy. there is 400 cigarettes next to me...but for my uncle..i cnt touch them MARLBORO REDS I LOVE THEM...why.... gr8 n i have no cigarettes due to lack of money funds... GRR.... I miss tom i need him here to hug...need to ring work....peace and love..x... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I have been in here for 15 days and i am going insane only 20 more minutes until i leave this shit hle PRISON BIG MAMA HOUSE I HATE YOUUUU! Other contestants have come and left...lucy.....and mel lol they left all the time...gawd... it has been an experience...arguments EVERYDAY!!! making me eat.....me throwing up...coming home drunk REBEL!!!! I now can go to my house where i cannot rebel...cuz my rents r exactly the same.... but ...let's just say on the next all niter...my nan's house is getting an egging hahahah!!! bitch....fat cunt fat pie whore!!!! EGOTISACAL WHORE WHO ATE ALL THE PIES! I see why my mum hates her...and i am following in her footsteps and hating her too. Mel agrees she ate all the pies lol.... 16 more minutes.... i have packed an am in my eviction outfit of black and green pintripe cyber..done my hair alll spikey at the back and styled straight at the front showing my scaffold... i luk nice...nice as rice.... I just wanna please the cheese and satiafy the parents... I TOLD MY MUM on the fone that i missed them so much and i hated it here...she said she will free me from prison soon... my dad is picking me up. My Nan lied to my rents telling them we had arguments which didnt exist...and blamed me for them, bullshit she turned it around. she didnt like the fact that when she goes up to me and says i have a weight problem and that i am only thinking of myself, I RETALIATE..... "IN MY DAY NO-ONE ANSWERED BAK EVEN IF THEY WERE INSULTED OR HIT" And i do, fat cunt.... she doesn't like mdoern society...and now i am out of here....peace and love..x... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Listening to old music...i love it..
Love...
Hate..
Doe.
Response is futile.. I hate the way people critisise me for my looks, the way I come across...just try to understand me. I am not brainwashed, just committed... I'm not harsh, just truthful.... I'm not a hoe, just willful... People do not understand my ways...
I do not hate....many people. I love only few. I love Tom, Lucy, Tanith, Tom B, Kate and mother lol... Those are the people that matter in my life. I don't care if a stupid bitch thinks I am what I am not.
I am needed like a drug....
x | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I woke up this morning to my mail and found this which makes my life worth living..
floatography says...
hi rik, im really fucked and drunk and i really actuallylove you so much. you are the most important thing in my life and ive been really upset for ages because your not here and i just love you and want to be with you all the time,dont ever cheat on me or u will actually killme. i love you so much xxx
He makes me feel whole...heh cheese on toast I know.
I would never cheat on him as he means so much to me, some guy tried to hit on me the other night (not mention the name) but I turned him down as all I could think of is Tom all day and I love him so much. I just couldn't live with myself If I did something that bad to him, or anything like it. He makes me so happy, I am going to a party thursday with him and a photo shoot with him on friday..
The other night I did E. I was dancing reli camply and pole dancing and loved everyone lol... At first I was scatty...photos will but up soon and footage of me dancing haha...we were i nthe toilets and it was so fun, throwing toilet roll everywhere and breaking things the roof etc and had such a laugh and did the matrix wall things lol!!.. We went ont ot hefield after we all came down... in the day Tom actually came to see me, i love him so much and i am glad he came to see me and my local mates...we bought 320 worth of skunk and smoked it all and got so fukked....and crappy cider which made me tipsy, i was all over tom i think he wasa bit errrrr... lol kate said we looked the picture couple wen walking through the woody murder alley in each others arms. I hope we do haha cuz i see him as my perfect guy. Any way back to the e night...we walked on to the field and a man and his dog came along and stared at us WHO THE FUCK IS THAT RUN , the dog ran after to us and we ran...wen it got close...its a poodle..."OH FUCK OFF U LIL SHIT!" lol wot a retard dog.. we slept and i over slept until 1 and ran to the love groves where my nan works we had an argument i stormed out swearing at her as she is a bitch...and my grandad piked me up..turns out i wasnt needed in work...crap.. Nor today...i got paid a fiver for coming in tho, i walked home i nthe rain and was soaked...at kates house and left at 5. I ate and slept for 16 hrs....come downs r shitty...nan almost made me cry....she did the other day saying my parents hate me etc and always cry about me...I HATE THIS FUCKING HOUSE AND I HATE HER....but it is the last day in the big mama house...at 4 oclock today I get out and don't plan on coming back. I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH! ..love tom :P hehe all day i will sit here and listen to motley crew and sleep... I might call lewis as he's only up the road and is funny, back to talking to Lucy via Msn....peace and love..x... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| BIGGER....
BETTER...
..AND MORE JACKED UP THAN BEFORE!
lmao that came on tv last night as an advert lol so funny ..... me and lcuy fell o nthe floor and landed on the glass things that held STRAWBERRIES...my nan is trying to make us fat...errr... the bottom of mine broke er. We watched big brother and i love nadia wo0o0o0o!!! Me and lucy watched this thign about suicide and we got all depressed and realised wen u die there is no afterlife and u know nothing, cuz u cant know as ur dead and dont exist and never are there and ur mind ceases.... a mindfuck i know and scary. Tis why people actually try and say there is an afterlife because it is easier to deal with... I got upset and felt like crying at the thought of lucy, tanith, kate and tom dying...oh yea and my family. *tear* glove (thats for u dani..) oh and u cant comment dani so hahahahahaahha HA die. but then...LEGOLAND ADVET WOOOOOW CRAZEHHHH! it made me happy and big brother and all this good stuff came on and made us hyper and happy, unlike the HOUR OF DEPRESSING SHIT..LMAO and this advert came on about cigarettes....and i went "we should stop smoking...i dont want a nose thing like that!" lol ....lol and on the suicide thign we were so sick "before killing himself...he sat down...with a sandwiche.." lol i we all laughed our asses off ....we are sick...then lucy begged me to get drunk...i said...NO CUZUR PISS UR SELF AGAIN...so heh. I read her a bed time story...of gay porn fantasies....it was so cheesey....and crap..... apparently it was "real" BUT WHO DOES THAT WHO WALKS THERE DOGS AND HAVE SEX IN A PARK...oh yea forbury... lol....any way i gonna get my new luk and see tom...me and luce are gonna go in town today (my nan calls her luce its so funny...) read lucy's journal for the other side of the story :o WAH....peace and love..x... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| me n lucy went to town and bought hair dye and toned done not goth errr apparently we lukedb etter but we cld ru naround and have MORE FUN!! lol a tramp asked us for money twice...greedy bastard..WE GAVE YOU A POUND FUCK OFF! lol retard ...~_~.. We went to this guy wettons house who was borign and we havea whole bottle of cider we did not drink and left.... cuz we didnt want to get drunk as we were bored and just smoked all day....i lvoe being me we saw this tree that HAD EYES WAH!! lol and we ate homous (HAMISS!) and filmed ourselves running away from it as it tastedrank....altho we were still holding it wen running...stupid morons lol BUT FUNNY...we went to my house my nan kept complaining....we made a video with and owl candle that luked like tanith and a girl alice in wonderland's lucy and aclown that is me WAH!! lol! so funni i will upload wen out of the big mamma house... i miss my parents strangely... my mum sed to me on the fone "we miss you..."
"WELL I DONT MISS U. UR NOT HAVIN THE HOLIDAY ITS ME!!"
this was a lie but she laughed all the same, my mum knows my ways and i love her to death...i miss them... i feel so upset...
i had left lucy at the station on her OWN...big mistake...she went and got drunk with a tramp ffs....
....peace and love..x... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | P0RN | | Time: | 10:18 am |
|
| | Daisy bought me gay porn from clonezone err lol its funny and the "true stories" are so cheesey and funny one guy in it tho is particulary hot...but i found it rather amusing. I know lucy will. Last night I really did miss Tom... Lucy is staying over my nan's today with me, I plan to terrorise her in the big mamma house with dolls. Lately my grandparents have been treating me better.....they saw a convo about me and tom i had with mel...i think they know about my gayness and have realised why im so rebellious towars my family and have allot of problems. They sat and talekd about my relationships with my parents...which is not very good as me and my dad never talk, me and my mum do more...its a gay thing. I am exactly like my mum, i love her, i love my dad too but he hates me. I love Tom....aw..... Mr FlOatOgRaPhY A miracle to me...gotta go to work and give daisy this porn back lol and dance around with Paddy (my new work buddy) who is sooooooooo funny i get on with him unlike kill bill who says nothing and is boring KILL BILL....good idea lol noone likes him he is like a spy....cherie my boss and his brother dont get on and he goes and tells them how gud they doing...so he is a spy....peace and love..x... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | I went to fez last nite it was amazing and josh and ross pulled it was so kewl and i made two other ppl pull i am a match maker...or a match stick...IM ON FIRE!!! lol...err.... Tom doesnt hate me...he loves me,, and i love him and i got my drink spiked with e and felt reli the need to tel lhim i love him o nthe phone but all he heard was music. I was on the podium dancing again lol it was so funny. Josh...ive never seen him dance haha...we got a tai home i cant reli remember how we got the taxi lol i had so much to drink and chain smoked...i hung out with new found mates and met up with emily from work and her friend and old friends consisiting of robbie lol go him to pull emily's mate i was likewo0o0o0 emily WORK BUDDY KEWL!!!!!!! clare i think her name is lol took ages to get her number down i was pissed b4 10 and the club opens at 9:30 lol! I love fez...i see tom friday ...saturday and he is coming to see me sunday.. :D i lvvvvvvvvv him. omg and hes gonna be a model :o they'll probs be like WHO R U UR NOT WITH THIS TOP CLASS MODEL HES SEXY UR NOT!! I have to go with him which wld be kewl i mtie bump into my friend micky who is also a model. o0er. Ross and josh rseeing each other howi cute... lcuy is coming over today..and then im going to kates... lol bless lucy. I woke up andi realised i made this HUGE sandwiche lol...didnt eat it tho...tom told his mum about us and everything is kewl. I miss him so much and i am reli happy right now....peace and love..x... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | i jsut feel so shit i love tom and cant see him i have had the worst day and he got chucked out and icant see him ,i had a panic attack today... i almost died... I feel like crying, hes not txting bk to my texts i dont think he wants to see me...he says he does but the last one abotu seeing him tomorrow he hasnt and i feel so shit and i want to die... why does everything bad happen to me... I jsut can't take it anymore... | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
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kirostar's journal